My Year of Thinly Veiled Contempt

Originally submitted by: Mz. Manners

This asshole cut me off in line at Trader Joe's the other day. He was just lingering there, oblivious to me and my full cart. His wife was signalling to him; she knew what was going on, and he was standing right in front of me, and he wouldn't pick a line. I moved, he would move. Meanwhile, his groceries were being paid for. So I gave him what-for. "Excuse me, sir," I strongly blurted out. He turns to me and says "I thought you were gonna run me down." The old woman across from me says "He was here first." I say "Really? Which line?" Sandy and barcode can have their year of goody-two-shoes walking and reading. God, what could be more droll? I'm making my own resolution: I'm devoting the next year of my life to regarding people with much-deserved thinly veiled contempt. Like Jesse James, who never killed anyone who didn't deserve it, I am a fair yet firm thinly veiled contemptible person. I am nice, generally. But don't cross me, or I'm going to bore right through you with a dose of TVC. This ridiculous pregnant couple was in the ridiculous bagle end-cap in ridiculous Plum Market. I'm the idiot who shops there, so blame me if you want. I stopped in for some bagels, and I was in a bit of a hurry. This pregnant ridiculous couple is blocking the entire area. It's early on a Sunday, and the special little bags aren't out yet to put the individual bagels into, as if that was ever necessary. They can't make up their mind, and as though I'm invisible (am I a ghost? Is this the Sixth Sense and I just don't know I'm dead?) they flit from case to case, carefully considering their bagel choices. I move on. Mz. Manners doesn't have the time for this. I needed cream cheese, so I crossed the store and got some. I figured this would give the couple some extra time. Courtesy is the veil in thinly-veiled-contempt. I return a minute or two later, and this couple is still debating. What kind of parents are they going to make if they can't even choose a bagel and put it in a bag? "We're almost done, I swear," says the husband. "Take your time," I say. They're still figuring out the bag situation. I say take the bag and shove it. I get a box. I come back with the box from the hot bar, and push my way through, past the pregnant couple and their ignorance. I jam my bare hands in the lucite containers and grab a salt bagel, an egg bagel, two whole wheats, and two everythings. I cash out. I am pissed off at the world, and I'm not afraid to come out and scream it. Everybody's pissed off about something. But the screaming? It seldom happens publicly. So I can go with that. Nobody wants a screamer. So TVC is the way to go for now. I move at a faster pace, I suppose, and when I'm hungry, I'm cranky. I scream at discourteous cyclists on the road. I don't think they belong on the street either. Really, people should get rid of their bikes. Anything that can cause as much pain to the rider and to others as a bicycle deserves to be hung up. So I roll down my window and call them names. I call people out. I am going to get in a fight one of these days. This is going to be a long year for me and for everyone else. But idiocy will not stand. It's not ethical to let idiocy breed and fester. Thank God I'm here to put a stop to all this.