Ethical Redesign of Valentine's Day

By BARCODE 2x

The beloved and dreaded holiday approacheth. This weekend, we cram a whole year's worth of romance into one night. Valentine's Day is a great time to celebrate love and commitment, but the holiday is uncomfortable and alienating to many people. What can we do to change things?

There are couples who have not had intimate relations since 9/11. They have not been in the mood. So now that the Obamas are in office, are they bringing sexy back? Is the new era of hope also a new era of romance? Does the new era demand some new adjustments to our traditional institutions?

There are many people who avoid Valentine's Day altogether. Married people, even. Single folks are sad, lonely, and depressed on this holiday. Where do they turn? They cannot even watch tv without running across some obnoxious romantic comedy. They cannot stay in, they cannot go out, they are trapped.

Single people can go out in groups and celebrate, even though this kind of liquor-soaked comiserating can lead to more tears by the end of the night. Single people are also prey to one-night stands and other regrettable encounters on nights like these.

And married folks complain about how everything is crowded on Valentine's, plus parking is impossible, and it winds up being a very expensive night out. And for people just dating, they may become very uncomfortable with the whole event. When you celebrate Valentine's Day together, does it mean you are in a committed relationship?

The symbology and colors of Valentine's Day are peculiar. The pinks and reds are too flamboyant for some people. And the heart as a symbol is a bit odd. In the age of digital imaging and reality-tv surgery, we have all now seen what a heart looks like, and it is fairly grotesque. It also resembles buttocks. Each year, it seems, the heart shape gets rounder and more voluptuous on the Hallmark cards.

And cupid with his arrow? I don't want anyone sticking me with anything sharp. Another symbol is needed, perhaps. What about two hands enclasped together, wouldn't that be nice? What about a nice set of lips instead of a big round heart? What about a big letter V? The aesthetics of the holiday leave a lot to be desired. The holiday needs a new image.

And what about the culture war over Valentine's Day? Does the Christian Right embrace this day as a pro-monogamy, pro-procreation holiday? Or do they see it as an opportunity to sin up a storm? Does the safe-sex advocacy movement embrace the holiday? Does the argument come to a head this time of year?

And who was St. Valentine anyway? History tells of a St. Valentine who was martyred during the reign of Roman Emperor Claudius II. He was caught secretly marrying Christian couples, which was illegal at the time. He was imprisoned, during which time the Emperor took a liking to him. But the poor Saint could not escape torture by stoning and eventually beheading. He was celebrated in the feast of St. Valentine, which happened around February 14, and has come to be associated with romantic love. The story is a sad one, and doesn't really put anyone in the mood.

Really, we are celebrating an ethical dillema: St. Valentine believed that love was beyond the law. That all people deserved the right to be married. His Emperor tried to show good faith and help him spread his message of love. The martyrdom of this Saint is a reminder that love conquers all, in the end. But nowadays, marriage is still a privilege. Many people are barred from marriage and marriage itself has become an ethical minefield. Brad and Angelina have sworn off marriage until all people can be married under the law. Brad and Angelina!

So go on out, get drunk, stuff yourself, get an hour at the Oasis Hot Tub Gardens, and fall asleep watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith because it's Valentine's Day and we're going to get lovey-dovey if it kills us! We'll all break up and get divorced if we don't! Who can take this kind of pressure? And who can afford such extravagant celebrations of love? And when we put the holiday in historical and cultural perspective, are we comfortable with what we are celebrating?