The Big Ethical Questions: WHY DON'T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD?

BY SANDY BOTTOMS ON CULTURE

Ever since the Beatles released Why Don't We Do it in the Road on their White Album, we have been asking ourselves that very question. And in the wake of Valentine's Day 2009, it is probably a good time to address it.

First of all, in spite of their insistence that 'no one will be watching', the fact is, when you do it in the road, you are committing a collossal act of public indecency. Nudity and public displays of affection have long been a component of revolutionary counterculture. The permissive society of the latter half of the 20th century encouraged this kind of irreverent freewheeling sexual liberation. And though one can admire the audacity of those who choose to do it in the road, the act is bound to cause more harm than good.

Onlookers will most likely be horrified. So let us debunk the idea that no one will be watching. All kinds of people will be watching.

Doing it in the road also poses a major safety issue. A motorist may not see those who are in the act of doing it. This roadway romance would come to a quick and horrible end. Here at a2ethics, we have addressed the ethics of roadkill, and in the end, it is up to the citizens to clear and clean their own roads. So perhaps prevention is the cure. Should road signs be posted? Should a symbol be designed on a yellow diamond sign? Something with stick figures laying prostrate on the road?

But perhaps you have considered these issues already. Perhaps you have found a private road where no one will be watching, and with very little traffic. You are home free. But then consider the discomfort you and your partner may experience. Betty Friedan, author of The Feminine Mystique, might argue that such acts continue the sexual subjugation of women. The vulgarity and baseness of the act, combined with the rough, dirty surface, are offputting. And the male singing, or rather screeching, "Why don't we do it in the road?" is very suggestive of male-dominated ideas of sexuality that have kept women from true happiness since the beginning of time. Doing it in the road is perhaps one step away from cave mentality. Such acts set the Women's Movement back centuries!

And we cannot argue that doing it in the road will make us more like John and Yoko. The free-form public sexuality that the famous couple exhibited is a bit excessive. Public nudity has the power to alienate people as much as it strives to liberate them.

But if both partners desire such outdoor sexual adventures, and the privacy issue is irrelevant to them and their community, and let us even imagine that the road could be blocked off from traffic to ensure their safety, then by all means, why don't you do it in the road? No one will be watching you!

Such safety and privacy measures fly in the face of revolutionary thought. Sexual radicalism is there to break down the walls and conventions. This act of public disobedience, no matter how uncomfortable or vulgar, still, many years after the song's release, has the power to stir up the kind of controversy that the revolution needs. We are too obsessed with privacy, both in the virtual world and the physical world, perhaps, and such an act would shake things up. And if enough people joined together to willingly do it in the road, then we would have a real revolution on our hands, wouldn't we? People would be arrested, some would be hit by cars, and many would get gravel stuck in their butt-cheeks. But the organized effort of people doing it in the road could bring lots of attention to political causes. Gay rights, safe sex education, environmental issues, road safety, and the list goes on.

So why don't you do it in the road? This nonessential yet bold public act could bring about massive structural change in this world. Just please bring a blanket, and maybe some orange cones.

Sandy Bottoms is a contributing writer to a2ethics.org. These questions are intended for discussion only, and in no way is he or the website advocating doing it in the road.