How to Sleep Around, Ethically: A Guide to Valentine's Day Part One

By BARCODE 2x

Valentine's Day approaches, a semi-holiday that brings more trouble with it than good, one could argue. Forget going out to dinner; restaurants, as well as hotels and hot tub gardens are booked solid, weeks in advance. You could go to a movie, but romantic comedies like Valentine's Day or Leap Year are going to be really corny, promoting an unhealthy image of romance.

What some people call romance, others call promiscuity. It's trouble. We all say that we want the excitement of falling in love, but as we are fond of saying nowadays, it's complicated. Just by virtue of it being cold and flu season, you might be better off keeping to yourself this Sunday, February 14.

There is pressure surrounding this holiday. For couples, there is pressure to buy gifts, to get a sitter, to get a reservation, and then to keep one's cool while intoxicated. We can call this Couples-Consumer Pressure. The holiday is expensive, and that is a stress point right there.

For singles, there is the pressure to get a date. Then once you have a date lined up, there is what we should call Romantic Pressure. There is pressure to hook up, to take things futher. We all want to get lucky in one way or another this Sunday, but we must be cautious.

Let us talk for a moment about the ethical implications, and the types of problematic romantic pairings that may occur this weekend.

There is the intra-office romance. While this may start out simply enough, just as a fun outing between co-workers, it can easily flip over into other territory. The last thing you want to do is develop a relationship with someone at work. Mixing the professional and the personal can lead to professional and personal issues:

You simply cannot become romantically entangled with your superior. And even among seeming office equals, there are hierarchies and structures. Some employees are preferred. Some are not. So even if you work in the same department at the same pay scale, when it comes time to move up the corporate ladder, you could find yourself in a messy affair with someone who works over or under you. Literally and figuratively, you are in an awkward position, at work and after hours.
Do you really want to spend 24 hours a day with your new mate? You will be sleeping together, working together, taking lunch together, and within a week, you could be completely over it.

There is romantic recycling, which comes in two forms, both fairly dangerous:

You may find yourself lonely enough to call up an ex. You have already found out all the reasons why you won't last, and yet you get back together for a little fling. You may have already been in a serious relationship together, and now you will reunite for a low-pressure hookup. You may have been married, or close to it, so are you really willing to enter back into that emotional maelstrom just to get through the holiday?
There is the other type of recycling, which is when you hook up with your friend's ex. Or your ex's friend. This is just plain lazy. For one thing, you already watched your friend go through the pain of being with this person, so why would you bring that upon yourself? Also, you get into trouble with the friend, who won't approve, and who won't let it go. Friends should share things together, but they should not share actual people. Your friendship develops into a love triangle. Even if they are broken up for ten years or more, the feelings get so complicated and you can really destroy your friendship, and the community of friends around you will get involved, and you really don't want that.

There is semi-blind dating, between people who meet online. This can be good; you can actually research your date by doing a few simple internet searches of their friends, their Wall posts, and more. You can get a lot of handy information that you might not otherwise have. However:

Do you really want to be with someone who was also desperate enough to turn to internet dating?
You have come together in a very forced, unorganic way. Romance and love often develops out of timing and serendipitous circumstance. Chance encounters, such as sharing an umbrella in the rain.
What are the expectations? You may want to lay it out before you meet. Be clear that you simply want to go out as friends and have a good time. If something more develops, then so be it. But create some initial boundaries, because the history of internet dating is kind of sleazy.

If you are attempting to create a romantic scenario with your married partner, then you have a few things to look out for:

Always do something for Valentine's Day. After a few years in a relationship, you cannot take these things for granted. It may be expensive. It may be a pain in the butt, but you have to do something, like a simple gift, or a dinner, or breakfast, or something. If you blow it off, you can create resentment.
You don't have to spend a lot of money. Just do something thoughtful.

What are the ethics of romance? The benefits are clear: coupling is good for society. Consenting adults who come together become an economic stimulus, and might procreate, continuing the human race. The negative elements are there as well, and you must be careful. Romance tends to cross barriers, at work, and in society. There is still forbidden love in this world. And we shall discuss that in our next chapter.