Ethics Get High Pt. 2: Should You Get Your Animals Stoned?

By MZ. MANNERS, ETHICS SCOUT DENMOTHER

I know that it's illegal. Let me just say that right off the bat. I know I shouldn't be smoking dope. When something is illegal, then it's most likely unethical. And I know that there are laws about the treatment of animals. And yet, here we are.

I am reaching new levels of criminal activity at this point. So I'm smoking a little dope with the terminally ill mother of an old friend, who qualifies for Medical Marijuana. She has a sweet cat whom she has been getting stoned for years. She takes a hit of her excellent-quality medical cannabis (that is what the doctor prefers we call it), and when she exhales, she blows it in the cat's face. What follows is a dubious set of circumstances.

The cat has always been frisky. I can't say for sure if the cannabis brings on the friskiness more or less. I do know this: the cat is always very interested when someone is smoking a joint. The cat seems to like sitting closest to the person smoking, and while the behavior of the cat is still very cat-like, we try and determine if the cat actually acts differently.

You could give a cat a CAT scan (that's a funny thing to say, and a funny visual) and determine if the cat's brain is affected by it or not. Their mammal brains are small, and it is possible that the drug actually has no effect whatsoever. It's not like my friend in high school who gave LSD to his pet lizard. That stuff really chilled that lizard out. It became docile and cuddly after that, and I suspect that my friend damaged the animal in some way.

And I had another girl friend who liked to put the cat in a cabinet and hot-box it by taking a toke and blowing it in with the cat with a straw. That cat was pretty jumpy after that. Paranoid, even. That is taking it too far. I thought of speaking up at the time, but I was too stoned, and I decided that speaking up and calling them out would have harshed everyone's mellow. That is an ethical dilemma right there. When you see something strange and illegal going on, do you intervene? Even if it harshes everyone's mellow?

My friend's mother's cat seems to handle cannabis just fine. I personally have not joined in the festivities. I don't have pets of my own. I'm not responsible enough. But most of the pet owners I know think it's hilarious to get a cat stoned. So who is the more responsible one?

I was first introduced to this concept when a high school friend got his mom's poodle stoned. This was astonishing; the stoned poodle spent a long time looking at a poster of the statue of the Sphinx. After staring at the image for what seemed like a long time, the poodle sat before it, got into the same position as the Sphinx, and continued to stare at it.

I don't know what the dog was feeling at the time, but we all assumed that the dog was having a religious experience of some kind. I bet it changed the dog's life.

That was high school. And now, I'm an adult, and I see that the world has not changed a great deal. Everyone who has ever smoked cannabis with a pet around has considered what it would be like if the animal took a toke. People who get their pets stoned are not really contributing to society. There is no real ethical value in the act. We don't know what kind of funny thoughts the animal will have under the influence, but since the animal has no choice in the matter, and since they are only about as intelligent as a toddler, it's suspicious behavior. You wouldn't do it to a 3-year-old.

But you could say that children are overmedicated these days. Many children are given all kinds of pills for their behaviors, their moods, different syndromes and whatnot. And they don't know any better. Is it good to speak up to a parent when you think they are overmedicating their child? I think it is. Isn't it? I know I should try and mind my own business, but minding my own business is hurting the children and cute little animals of the world. And I am not only a journalist. I am a human being too, and a citizen of the world, and a professional ethicist, and part of being an ethicist is understanding the systems that lead to unethical behavior and making steps toward positive change. Change, damn it! Change!

So talk to your doctor. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it like a stamp to a letter.