Should I Attend the Wedding?
An elderly relative is marrying a (by all appearances) lovely woman, and we are invited to attend. I'm thrilled for their happiness. My problem is with their church, which was founded on anti-gay sentiment, and has joined with a governing body which ( in the country where the church is based) is promoting legislation which institues the death penalty for homosexual practices, among other civil rights horrors. I think it can be fairly said that this church is inciting violence against homosexuals, and those who would advocate for their rights. The church where the wedding takes place may not actively be engaged with this political activity, but they send funds to those who are, and they have NOT condemned this legislation, much less the anti-gay fervor which accompanies it I want to wish my loved ones well, but I'm afraid that attending the wedding makes me complicit. If someone who opposed gay marriage was considering attending a gay marriage (or any event at a church that sanctions them), I would encourage them to go, setting aside their qualms in the interest of family love. I'm afraid that makes me a hypocrite. What do you think?
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If we boycotted every institution we disagreed with, we would hardly ever leave the house. Your feelings are very valid, and you are very correct in not supporting this church. But you may not want to turn this wedding into a political action.
Your issues are not with your elderly relative. But if you boycott the wedding, they may take issue with you. I would begin by asking other members of your family what their plans are. Your elderly relative may not even be aware of the political activities of the church. We have all been in situations we find uncomfortable, and by sitting in the pews for the 25 minutes that a wedding ceremony might last, you might be avoiding years of resentment you might create by not attending.
You do, however, have every right to talk with the rest of the family about the choice of venue for this wedding. It could be that you are not the only one with these feelings. It is possible that if enough people raise a disagreement over this choice of churches, that your elderly relative and their spouse-to-be might reconsider. But we have to pick our battles. Your objections are very strong, and very reasonable. You are not out of line for feeling this way. But you may get into trouble within your family if you choose to raise major objections.
You also have the right to engage the minister in a discussion of politics, over drinks, at the reception. Make your point, but don't make a scene. After all, it's their day, not yours.